IN JAMAICA

Cookware turned fitness
Do not drop it on your toe!
Thighmaster be gone

Yesterday my sister called me to tell me about her latest fitness craze, Kettle Bells. It is hard to say Kettle Bells without laughing- mostly because I don’t know and don’t understand what it is, but in my mind I have some vision of a Christmas song that includes gonging a Salvation Army donation bucket or something. Anyway, she insisted that I google it so I do, and this is the first (and up to now) and only image I see:

This picture makes my day on a number of levels. First, I cannot imagine working out with an iron ball that I can so easily let go of and drop on my head, and two, that of all people chosen to model what I believe is a kettle bell in action, it’s this guy- he has a mustache (I will post my thoughts on mustaches and other assorted facial hair later) and little to no upper arm definition, and three, the photoshopped slogan of “Kettlebell it up!” on his shirt.

This image is so, so good. The shape of the KB really reminds me of the old Atari Kaboom! game of dropping bombs or the Hamburglar or basically any cartoon-jail imagery, and it makes me appreciate all that Suzanne Somers did to make wacky fitness gadgets part of our normal household lives.

Don’t think that I’m against researching the kettle bell any further, hell, at this point I need to dust myself off and get myself to a class and try it for myself! This is also a good reminder that it’s always important to keep an open mind when it comes to learning new ways to workout and stay fit. For example, look at what the Japanese have to offer!

Honky honk goose eggs
Sunshine almonds everywhere
Little cute grandma

I’ve been back from India for a little over a week now and I’m trying to think about how I might continue this blog. Clearly my life at home is not nearly as interesting as my life abroad- not that I was living some sort of fabulous fantasy over there, but I was in a place to learn and discover something new everyday. The thing with that though, is that it’s all in the mind (hippy talk)!! It’s true though, and when I keep an open perspective, I realize that I learn things ALL THE TIME.

Take for example my trip to the crazy farm this weekend. My friend Sophy’s mom has a crazy, crazy farm = 70 acres of food everywhere! Beautiful, healthy, organic, juicy, delicious, ripe, STUFF. Strawberries, green bell peppers, melons of all sorts, peaches, persimmons, pomegranates, bitter melon, eggplants, tomatoes, yam greens, goose eggs, almonds, beehives (HONEY!!!), on and on till the break of dawn. Waaa…it was beautiful, amazing, exciting, and inspiring.

During our forage around the garden Sophy and I found a big ass winter melon hiding underneath a big green leaf. It was obvious to us that that shit needed to be eaten so I put on some gloves, got the scissors, and snipped the umbilical cord connecting it to the earth. It is a heavy (a two-hander) and long (foot and a half style) tuberous beast with almost invisible yet potently spiky hair. We were satisfied with our find of such a ripe and ready fruit-vegetable (which one is it??) that I at least, felt a growing sense of smugness towards my natural farming abilities.

When we brought the fruits of our labor into the house for some good eating, Sophy’s mom spotted our winter melon trophy and immediately asked us, “Why did you pick such a small winter melon? It’s not ripe yet!” Turns out we picked a puny f-v. As they ripen they lose their spiky fuzz and can grow to be 1-2 meters!!

So…turns out my ‘natural farming abilities’ is just a non-stop wack attack. So much to learn! Anyway, if anyone wants to come over and have some winter melon soup from a non-ripe fruit-veg, feel free…Below are just a few photos from the cornucopia of splendor- I had to get my nature photography on.

CRUNCHY APPLES

PLUOTS- Super Juicyfruit! Shhh…they are actually PRUNES

ALMONDS- unripe in the fuzzy pod, open on the ground

Now go get your fresh fruit-veg on and listen to the Wax Poetics Record Rundown

Sudoku Contest
Crazy shopping everywhere
Nonstop mega mall

Greetings from Changi Airport, the most amazing place you can lose yourself in and lots of time. I’m here for the day, and am tempted with all sorts of things around me. Giant XBOX to my left, Fendi and Burberry to my right. The real temptation here is the desire to miss my flight to SF- there’s a Sudoku Championship Contest later today but that’s when I have to board! The setup is SERIOUS!

I really have to give it up to the Singapore Tourism Board- they provide free rides (and a bus tour guide with a microphone!) to the city, and pick you up too. It’s a great way to see the city for a few hours and uh…do a LOT of shopping. Since Singapore just celebrated it’s birthday (I forget which #) on August 9, there is tons of pride in the air, flags everywhere and NONSTOP SALE MADNESS. Every store has something on sale, and there are more stores that I can even count in Singapore.

Today I went to Little India-already homesick (for India), so I went straight to a South Indian Pure Veg restaurant to get my daily chai and rest for awhile. After that came shopping madness, so much that I am back at the airport a few hours earlier than I planned because my feet do not work anymore and I am out-shopped. Imagine SF’s downtown shopping zone Union Square madness to the 100th power, and you are close to what Singapore’s shopping experience is like. IT IS MADNESS!!

One thing I love about Singapore is hearing people talk the many languages that buzz around here. My favorite is the interchange between Malay (which sounds like crazy Spanish, Chinese, and Tagalog to me) and English. For example, I walked into a cheap jewelry store where the lady working was so involved in her heated phone conversation that she did not see me the entire time. I could tell from her body language and hand gestures that she was clearly upset, but her language definitely confirmed it to a certain degree. What she was speaking was a Malay+English hybrid, often referred to as SINGLISH.

Singapore people say LAH all the time, like “This what you want, lah?” Lah before everything and at the end of everything. It is useful in many situations, just like the Indian Bobblehead! One girl tried to tell me that she did not understand what I was saying today by saying LAH LAH LAH LAH LAH until I got it- she didn’t get me!

Cheap jewelry store lady’s conversation went something like this:

LAH LAH LAH LAH LAH LAH MUKTI LAH
YOU BACKSTABBED ME AGAIN AND I CANNOT TAKE IT
LAH LAH LAH MUKTI MUKTI LAH LAH
GREEN TEA MILKSHAKE LAH LAH LAH LAH
LAH LAH LAH LAH LAH MUKTI LAH
BECAUSE OF THIS I WILL NEVER SPEAK WITH YOU AGAIN LAH MUKTI LAH
LAH MUKTI LAH LAH IT IS UNREASONABLE, ABSOLUTELY LAH LAH LAH LAH LAH LAH LAH LAH LA ROTI PRATA MAYBE SHRIMP CURRY LAH LAH LAH LAH
LAH LAH LAH HOW DARE YOU DON’T EVEN THINK YOU CAN DO THAT LAH LAH LAH LAH

I’m sure you get the idea- either way, I figure it was some sort of conversation about infidelity/commitment issues and what they were going to get for dinner tonight. Now I have time to rest before the flight. I went to The Body Shop and put some perfume on so the poor person next to me will not suffer (hopefully) with my India-Singapore Summer Heat Shopping Inferno B.O.!!

We got lots of spices!! Stocked up for ourselves and friends.

As I walked with my bags of spicy spices at the Cochin International airport during my last few minutes with India, I encountered this sign:

DUE TO SECURITY REASONS ALL PASSENGERS ARE
REQUESTED NOT TO CARRY CHILLY POWDER, MASALA POWDERS,
SHARP METAL ITEMS LIKE KNIFE, SCISSORS, BLADES ANY KIND OF ETC.,
IN THEIR HAND BAGGAGE

More on spices later. ANY KIND OF ETC.!!!

Leaving India
Not an easy thing to do
Thank you come again

At one restaurant we went to Arjuna saw “Thank you come again” at the bottom of their menu and could not stop cracking up. It was quintessential Apu, but sincere at the same time. I’ve gotten a general sense of how wacky India is- when passing by construction sites, we see men wearing their usual outfits: a dirty tank top, a dhoti (a skirt-like wrap- instead of pants), chappals (sandals/fliop-flops)…and a hard hat. WHAT IS THE POINT??? They will be pouring cement on the 9th floor of a half-made building, or climbing a ladder with steel poles or something ridiculous. It’s like watching people ride motorcycles here with 5 people on them (including babies and old people), none wearing helmets, and the actual driver HAS a helmet but he’s holding it in his hand that’s holding onto the handlebars.

It’s been very good and helpful to have a partner through all these observations and travels. When I saw an ad that said, “IT’S GOOD TO START A GANG!” What good would that have been if I was by myself? Anyway, it was very, very hard to say goodbye to Arjuna who will be staying for another two weeks. He has been my best friend and partner and sweetheart and helper in this whole trip, and in a number of ways, I could not have done this without him. His ability to quickly learn important phrases in the many languages have helped provide us access to insider info- people are so much more willing to open up when you make an effort to get to know them. Also, the fact that his name is Arjun(a) excites people (seriously!), which also makes it harder for him to try and convince people that he’s not actually Indian when they are insisting that he is.

In some ways I’ve even succumbed to his hard-core bargaining. It is EXTREME and at times has been hard, but for all those that know him and his dad know that this is pure science at work here- serious gene inheritance from his father and well…whaddya gonna do?

Given that, goodbye India! Stay tuned for our future spice party coming up at the house when Arjuna gets back- we will be cookin up some Indian food and sharing spices with folks…

PEACE

Onum is nearing
India’s great holiday
New clothes for all kids

We just had our last breakfast together- idly sambar with a delicious chai. Not only is this a simple, delicious breakfast, but when bananas are added it’s even better! Yesterday we got a bunch of teeny tiny bananas at the produce bazaar. I’ll post up some pix of it when I get back- everyone is yelling but super friendly, and we managed to take photos of some market folks with their impressive produce displays! One man, once he found out that I was taking photos, insisted that I take a picture of him at his desk, then afterwards, insisted that I send him the pictures. Apparently, he has people from all over the world doing the same thing!

Yesterday for our last dinner we decided that we’ll try to find somewhere with beers or drinks- most places are DRY DRY DRY. The way you can tell if a place serves alcohol is that there will be a big sign in front, separate from the marquee that says, “BAR”. We went to one place where again they tried to usher us into the a/c room (definitely a luxury, you get a different menu and charged more) but we don’t eat like that so we looked at the menu and on the drink list in the rum section were a few named rums that started with the most expensive one first. It ended with one called, ‘CHEAP RUM’. I thought that was brilliant and straight to the point.

We ended up going to a nice hotel restaurant that was actually in a hotel (all restaurants are either called hotels even when they’re not and some are actually called restaurants even though they might be in a hotel) that had people eating with forks and spoons- the FIRST time I’ve seen this since being here! We ordered drinks- Arjuna got a beer that was so cold that my fingers recoiled. We’ve gotten so used to Indian Cold- drinks that are served ‘cold’, but are really on the almost warm tip. Grand Hotel had a very wide menu- Keralan cuisine, North Indian, Continental, Chinese, and Other. Many restaurants here offer Chinese food so it’s nothing weird to see it on a menu. In fact, we had something called “Chilly Gobi” one day which was a weird Chinese-influenced, Indian-tasting, all around BAD cauliflower dish that ended up giving Arjuna some Dehli Belly or Sultan’s Revenge or Mad Ass or whatever you want to call it.

This restaurant straight up had a dish called CHING-CHONG FRIED RICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I almost died when I saw that, but checked myself- this is India, after all, land of all things crazy and crazier. I am going to miss India big time.

Lots and lots of oil
Enough to power a car
Nothing is private (anymore)

For our last day together Arjuna and I decided to go get an ayurvedic massage on Fort Cochin. Fort Cochin is a little island about 15 minutes by ferry from where we were staying, on the mainland. It is super cheap to get there (5RPS/Pennies) but not so cheap once you get there. I had no idea that this little island was the secret hiding place of all westerners! It’s no surprise why- it’s clean(er), totally catering towards people with $$$ (although the backpackers can still get by), and more resort-like than Ernakulum, the local mainland city. During this whole trip, I saw very few westerners- except for at the ashram. At times, there were days when we didn’t see any and felt like we were the only two people visiting and travelling through India, although that’s far from the truth.

Since I didn’t have a chance to get an ayurvedic pulse reading, I thought that a massage would be the next best thing- the place was recommended, it was MUCH CHEAPER than it would be in the states (about $11/hr), and given that Kerala is the heart of ayurvedic medicine, we just had to give it a try!

FIRST: GET NAKED
SECOND: GET OIL SLATHERED ALL OVER YOU- Seriously, enough to fuel someone’s veg oil (they use medicinal ayurvedic oil but it smelled kitchen-familiar) from San Francisco to Humboldt.
THIRD: PREPARE TO GET LIGHTLY MOLESTED

There is much, much, more to be said about this massage because I have never experienced anything like it- this is not a massage for the shy, squeamish, ticklish (big problem here), anyone that might not want a stranger invading the areas known as ‘private nethers’, or basically anyone that might have a sense of propriety about their body! For that, it was pretty hard core and I felt like the person massaging me was getting to know me better than I know myself! Don’t worry- it wasn’t sleazy or anything like that, it was an honest to goodness massage.

More to come…plus Arjuna’s side of his experience (he is naked getting massaged by two semi-naked men)

Wind here is crazy
Stevie Wonder Bobblehead
Rust in the water

The wind here has been CRAZY lately. It rips through the ocean and coconut trees, creating a noise that can only be described as sharp, ripping air. Since we are on the 11th floor we have a clear view of millions and trees and ocean, and can hear it ALL at night. In some ways, it can be kind of romantic and beautiful, but really what it is is just a reminder that we are steps away from tsunami shores. I was just about to email Kevin and tell him that the weather is ALL GOOD NO FLOODS but since then it has been raining like crazy and wind everywhere, so much that I cannot sleep at night!!

Today is my last day here and I am trying to get an ayurvedic reading (get my pulses read) so I can use basic principles toward my food and diet when I get back home. It’s affordable here and probably not at home, so why not? At the ashram there are a number of clinics and a college to use as resources. To go through an actual ayurvedic treatment is a super intense, longer-than-a-month process that involves many sacrifices including having no wind blown on your head, NO ICE CREAM, and at times no mental activity whatsoever, so there is no way in hell that I will do that.

I do want to let you know that the IBE is very different in the south. It is more fluid and lax like Stevie Wonder style, but at the same time might even have 1 or 2 extra bobbles thrown in.

ONE OTHER THING
There is a lot of rust in the water here! When it comes out it flows light orange and makes your white clothes dingy when washed in the water. Sharada has set up an ingenious Sponge in Tube Sock™ system that when water is dripped at a slow, leaky faucet pace, it manages to come out clear enough to wash ourselves and clothes. It can take hours to fill a bucket, so I have managed to utilize the Art of Bathing with only 10 cups of water. This is only one of many, many things that constantly remind me of how fortunate I am, and how I can make better uses of the things I have back at home.

Brother and Sister
Fat, lazy…on vacation
But where did they go?

One thing we have been doing a lot of is having meals together in our room- Arjuna, Sharada, and I. The way ashram food here works is that at each meal time, there are several choices to choose from. There’s an Indian meal, which is free (included in our low-cost accommodation fees) and simple- rice, dahl (lentil soupy stuff), and subzi (veggy curry). The food is simple but decent, even at times good. Arjuna warned me ahead of time that ashram food is nothing to write home about, but I haven’t been too disappointed. The Indian food is spicy and has interesting ingredients- banana peels (YES, PEELS!!), green mango, fresh coconut etc. The other choice for a meal is the Western Canteen which offers basic choices of ‘western’ (non)inspired foods. Generally, we stay away from there in the evening but get porridge and freshly made curd there in the mornings.

During our meals, Arjuna and Sharada get to share time catching up on what’s been going on since they’ve last spent time together like this (over three years ago), and old friends from way back when. It can be hard to keep up with them, since there’s a lot of friends that cover Arjuna’s life from when he was a kid to now. The best way for me to follow along is to let the names guide me- if they’re talking about Randy, he’s probably one of Arjuna’s old hillbilly friends with missing teeth. If they’re talking about Ramakrishna, then he’s probably someone from the ashram side of life.

Although I try my best to follow along, I definitely get lost at times. This happened when they were talking about two ashram friends, Ram and Lakshmi. Arjuna said that when he last saw them, Lakshmi was bigger than Ram, but how were they doing? Sharada filled in by telling us Lakshmi has gotten bigger, and in fact was even bigger than Ram now! I figured these are two growing kids, twins in fact, that live here year-round. I imagined Ram as always having been the runtier of the twin bunch but as a growing young boy he was experiencing growth spurts and getting bigger than his sister. Nothing strange, I thought- these must have been interesting kids that they both liked and were once quite small for their age. Except that they kept talking about Ram and Lakshmi and their size, how they have kept getting bigger and bigger and that now in fact, they are both QUITE LARGE. It made me a little uncomfortable to hear them talk about R&L only in terms of size. Surely the twins have other interests, qualities and hobbies worth talking about?

Arjuna wanted to know where Ram and Lakshmi were since he hadn’t seen them yet since we got to the ashram. Apparently, Sharada heard that they went on vacation and she didn’t know when they were coming back. This is where things got strange. The fact that they went on vacation fired up Arjuna, with a barrage of question-statements like “How could they go on vacation??!!” and “Where did they go?” and “WHY did they go on vacation?” and “HOW DID THEY GO ON VACATION??!!”

I had no idea why it would be so weird for them to go on vacation unless they really just went without their parents, or that maybe he saw them as fat lazy twins who didn’t deserve to go on vacation. At this point, I had to step up and get some clarity.

WHO IS RAM AND LAKSHMI AND WHY DO YOU TALK ABOUT THEM THIS WAY?

At this point they both turned to me and said, “Ram and Lakshmi are the ashram elephants! Every ashram worth their weight has an ashram and here we have two!”

Ok…now I get it. They are BIG because they are ELEPHANTS. But where do elephants go on vacation?

We are in Collam now where we bought cashews (they are excellent and cheap here- come over when we get back for some!) and went grocery shopping and where I found India’s cleanest toilet- complete with western-style toilet, water hose for nether-regions cleaning (self-help bidet), and PUMP SOAP!! My first thought as I walked into the bathroom that played Amy Winehouse was, “What have I done to deserve this?”

Earlier today we went to visit Sharada’s school- she works at a pre-K to 12th grade school close to where we are staying. We got to disturb many classes (apparently that’s totally ok here) by being special ‘visitors from America’ and meeting so many cute kindergarteners! They wear uniforms where they have a little kerchief bandanna pinned to their chest for easy booger-wiping and hand cleaning. Super cute!

More pix and story to come…